There is danger everywhere! First we had pipe bombs, turning every plumber and tobacconist into a potential mass murderer! (OK, so the tobacconist doesn’t sell the same kind of pipe, but you must allow me a little poetic license.) Then we had handguns! Then we had assault rifles! But now? Danger lurks in the housewares […]

What, Dear Reader? You do not recognize the word in the title to this post? Do not feel bad. Everything will be revealed to you in due time. First, a hint on the etymology of the term. It is derived from the Greek. Why, you ask, is the Happy Pessimist inflicting this load of arcana […]

The Constitution of the United States is completely out of date! Or at least thus sayeth the likes of Mayor Bloomberg, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and the New York Times, to name but a few. All the Constitutional protections that have allowed us to eat and drink what we want, vote for any moron we choose, and […]

So, here we are in the Land of the Free in 2013! Our safety is guaranteed by the video cameras with microphones on every street corner, boldly watching all they survey to spot malefactors of greater or lesser talent plotting our demise, while simultaneously peering gently over our shoulders to be sure that we are […]

Ah, Dear Reader, you have a dirty mind. I am NOT talking about human sex, a subject with which many of you may already have a passing acquaintance. I’m talking about plant sex. The plants are about to get horny. Who cares about plant sex? I hear you cry. Plants don’t even move much! What […]