Of course, Dear Reader, you know the story. The beautiful princess is drugged by her evil stepmother, the queen, and sleeps for 100 years until she is awakened by a kiss from the handsome prince. Big deal. Andrei Zhestkov, a citizen of the Russian Federation on a visit to Bali, has gone the queen one better.

            A security screener checking Zhestkov’s bags as he headed for a flight back to Mother Russia, discovered that Andrei had hidden a large basket in his luggage. Upon opening the basket, the screener discovered a drugged orangutan, whom Andrei had stuffed full of allergy pills to ensure it would zonk out. The question, of course, is why do you want an orangutan? I know that Bali is a great party spot (except during the occasional massacre of tourists by the local jihadists). But an orangutan?

            As far as I can tell from Agence France-Presse (which seems to specialize in bizarre stories), the screener did not attempt to follow the classic method of waking an enchanted sleeper by bestowing a chaste kiss. I understand that. The screener apparently used the “look before you leap” algorithm. Had he or she failed to perform such a check, he or she would, no doubt, have spent the following 48 hours gargling with sulfuric acid and wiping his or her lips with a belt sander.

            Andrei is now on his way to the hoosegow, orangutans being a critically endangered species. But do not think too badly of him. He was apparently very concerned for the beast’s welfare, having also packed baby formula and blankets to insure its comfort. In addition to the orangutan, Andrei also had two geckos (which I assume he planned to sell to Geico) and a number of other lizards in his suitcases.

            Except for the endangered species part, this episode is suggestive. Perhaps we can generalize it. Let us imagine for a moment that we are visiting a game park in Zambia and encounter a particularly cuddly elephant. We need only feed him a barrel of Benadryl-laced peanuts, stuff him into a suitcase, and bring him home to the kiddies. They would love it, They could teach him to play fetch with the neighborhood SUV’s. They could use him to flatten the neighborhood bullies. They could take him to school for Show and Tell, and if the teacher gave them any trouble, they could have him squash her, too.

            The only difficulty I can see in executing this plan is finding a big enough suitcase.