What, Dear Reader? You do not recognize the word in the title to this post? Do not feel bad. Everything will be revealed to you in due time.

First, a hint on the etymology of the term. It is derived from the Greek. Why, you ask, is the Happy Pessimist inflicting this load of arcana on you? Don’t blame me — blame the United Nations. You know, that wise organization that has appointed Iran as the chair of the Nuclear Disarmament Conference.  The savants working on the problem of world hunger have just released a report with the UN cure for world hunger:

EAT BUGS!

This, I assure you, is not the wild raving of a delusional mind (certainly not wild raving. Delusional mind, well…). In any event the UN recommends entomophagy (from the Greek ent = ant, phagy = snarf). The learned report issued by these inhabitants of the Island of Laputa (see: Gulliver’s Travels, Book 3) waxes ecstatic about the protein and carbohydrate content of common household vermin. (When reviewing this report, I recommend that you keep in mind that your shoe is also protein.) The report points out that members of the Order Insecta are commonly eaten in several cultures, including the Cambodians (who eat tarantulas), Australian aborigines (who eat ants), and Mexicans (who eat worms and grasshoppers). As far as your interlocutor knows, however, this diet is not common in Western Civilization, or Eastern Civilization, or ANY civilization for that matter. The ingestion of creepy-crawlies (with the exception of lobsters and crabs) has heretofore been the mark of a pre-civilized society.

There have, of course, been chinks in the anti-insect culinary armor. I recall my reaction of disbelief when confronted by the menu of an otherwise delightful local Mexican restaurant with the choice of several dishes offered with and without grasshoppers. I was assured that the “with grasshoppers” version was the traditional recipe. My initial reaction was that the proprietor had come up with a clever way to unload a contaminated batch of chile peppers on his pretentious customers. But it turns out that he was dead serious.

So now, if the UN  gets its way, we will all regress to the pre-agricultural phase of human development, throw away our fly swatters and cans of RAID, and spend our free moments crawling around looking for goodies.

But this is great!

Horrible tenements will be swept clean of cockroaches and silverfish, immediately raising property values and increasing local government receipts from value-based property taxes.  The formerly revolting properties will also attract a much better class of tenants, accelerating gentrification.

The rate of inflation will decline precipitously, as purchases of lamb chops and sirloin steaks will drop like a stone. Further, our expenditures on domestic help will also decline, since leaving food scraps all over the floor will become a wonderful way to attract tonight’s dinner. What was once decried as execrable housekeeping will now be celebrated.

The only risk we face from this program is the possibility that the titans of finance and industry will attempt to corner the bug market. I can see it now: hordes of gigantic automated bug vacuums patrolling our fields and streets, shlurping up every insect in sight, then disgorging them to the packaging plant which will can them, freeze them, dry them, or otherwise process them. The packages will then appear on supermarket shelves. (Of course, in some areas, finding insects on supermarket shelves will be a familiar experience.)

Bon appetit!