Fun with Doom

I am sure, Dear Reader, that, cultured person that you are, you have seen the film “Jaws.” You have probably also seen “Jaws 2”, “Jaws 3,” and the other sequels up to and including “Jaws 947.” You also probably cut your teeth watching “Rocky and Bullwinkle,” an actually clever children’s cartoon featuring Rocky the Flying […]

There is no clearer evidence of the collapse of Western Civilization than the return of piracy as an accepted occupation. Of course, we no longer have Blackbeard and Long John Silver, and Bloody Captain Morgan survives now only as the fierce label on a second-rate rum swilled only by the uncouth. But the Barbary Pirates are […]

Anyone who has ever lived in Chicago (such as The Happy Pessimist) is well aware of the fact that just because you’re dead, that doen’t mean that you have to be politically inactive. Thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of dead people vote in Cook County in every election. The fraudsters of […]

And you thought you had trouble with the NSA! Ah, Dear Reader, you are living in a fool’s paradise! It turns out that you and your significant other are now being ratted out by your undies. The comfortable seclusion afforded by a cheap motel room or the backseat of your Prius has now been breached […]

Sophisticated and knowledgeable person that you are, Dear Reader, you are aware that one of the greatest sources of global warming is methane produced by bovine flatulence. Despite the fact that their diet is woefully devoid of beans, our Mooish friends produce vast quantities of cow burps (also farts, but that is not the issue […]