I am sure, Dear Reader, that, cultured person that you are, you have seen the film “Jaws.” You have probably also seen “Jaws 2”, “Jaws 3,” and the other sequels up to and including “Jaws 947.” You also probably cut your teeth watching “Rocky and Bullwinkle,” an actually clever children’s cartoon featuring Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose, who were constantly evading the evil plans of Boris Badanoff and his girlfriend Natasha (“must get moose and sqvirrel.”)

Based on that deep background, I am sure that you would agree with me that the good guy here is the moose, not the anthropophagous piscine denizen of the deep. Not a day goes by without a bloodcurdling account in the popular press of a swimmer or surfboarder consumed by a large shark. In contrast,  your interlocutor is unaware of any instance in which a human has been eaten by a moose, meese being herbivorous. [N.B. Yeah, I know that the plural of moose is moose, but I claim poetic license.] Meese are only dangerous to us anthropoids when we are in a jeep during rutting season.

Given these well known facts, your Interlocutor was appalled by the following headline from myfoxdc.com:

“Two Men Save Shark from Choking on Moose”

The article goes on to quote one of the rescuers as saying “”It was a good feeling to see that shark swim out, knowing that you saved his life.” Tell that to the next armless, legless surfer you meet.

This bizarre episode epitomizes how far we have fallen. We have interchanged the good guys and the bad guys everywhere. Predators have been transmuted into victims. No sympathy here for the innocent bovine moose being dragged to a watery grave. He is cast in the role of enemy of Nature. The news writer probably thought he was a Republican.

So where do we go next as Apocalypse roars toward us, drooling and snarling? I can see the headlines now:

“Tiny bacteria slaughtered by antibiotics”

“Wicked philanthropist degrades virtuous poor by providing Christmas dinners to homeless”

“Heartless judge sentences weeping axe murderer to community service”

I wonder what happened to the moose?