No, Dear Reader, I am not mimicking the faux enthusiasm of microcephalic sports commentators at basketball or ice hockey games. Oh no. I am introducing you to the new video game (actually, suite of video games) which make “Grand Theft Auto” look like good, clean fun . I am aware that many of you consider “good, clean fun” to be a contradiction in terms, but grant me just a few minutes and I am sure that you will concur.

Sega, the Japanese electronic games giant, has created “ToyLet.” You might think that this is a game about miniature toys, “let” being a common diminutive. Nope. This one is a “what you hear is what you get” game. ToyLet is a urinal game. You read that correctly. ToyLet is played in the urinal. Before you regurgitate, let me assure you that there is no need to swim in the urinal in order to play; you need only use the urinal in its customary fashion. But you must AIM. ToyLet installs a sensing pad in the urinal which is connected to a video display atop the urinal, and you score points by peeing at the appropriate spot.

While the Japanese may be first, they are not alone. A British company called Captive Media has introduced its own game which includes  three games to choose from: a skiing simulation, a trivia quiz with multiple choices, and a knock-down-the-penguins shooting gallery.

In this PC world, the development of this game raises an important issue: that of gender equality. Girls would probably enjoy playing this game too. In the movie “A New Kind of Love,” the hero (Paul Newman) having been disappointed by his light o’ love, is standing around with the boys in a bar, raises his glass, and proclaims “To the bachelors of the world! May their tribe increase!” One of his compatriots wryly responds “How?” The same question is apt here. But fear not! The urinal gamers have developed a cardboard funnel which the distaff side can use to aim.

The obvious question is: what next? After all, the human body produces many effluvia.

I can see it now.

How about PoopLet, in which a photomontage of pre-war Berlin is inserted in the toilet bowl and wired to a video display, with scores being accumulated by “bombing” the more important buildings?

How about BarfLet? PhlegmLet? BloodLet?

Limbo dancers are constantly asked “How low can you go?” This question is equally applicable to popular culture, and this latest development suggests that the answer is “Lower than you can possibly imagine.”

We’re doomed.