So, Dear Reader, you thought that you had seen the worst of snooping by the powers that be (commercial and governmental), what with the NSA reading your e-mails, tapping your phone, reading over your shoulder from their keyhole satellites, tracking your cell phone, and collecting all your credit card transactions, did you? Believe me, these are mere peccadillos. The future is much more terrifying, thanks to the evil gnomes of Sky Deutschland. (Sky Deutschland is the Krautland branch of the Sky TV network.)

These folks noticed that many commuters, exhausted from a long day of shifting enormous piles of paper about, collecting inside information, and racing back and forth to the water cooler, plod aboard the train and rest their noggins against the window, hoping to catch a snooze before confronting their spouse and kiddies. “Vhat a vaste of time” thought the geniuses of their advertising department, “Zis time could be spent listening to COMMERCIALS!” And then they had an “ah-ha!” moment.  It occurred to them that it is possible to send sound waves through solid objects. So they and their tech provider have developed a device that drives the windows like little loudspeakers, so that, when you rest your head against the window, you hear a still, small voice inside your head, like the voice of God, transmitting any message the  fiends wish to transmit. Sort of like the description of what prophets experience. Or paranoid schizophrenics.

Our German friends have only crass commercial purposes in mind.  “Eat at Joe’s” is sort of innocuous, you may think. Wanna bet? How about a message like “Eat our hamburgers until you pass out or explode, whichever comes first!” It will contribute more to obesity than the non-stop sequences of fast food ads that punctuate every station break on the idiot box. No one will be able to say “no” when the voice of God tells them to visit McWeinerschnitzel’s seventeen times per week.

But it gets better! Being brainwashed into blimp-hood is one thing. But how long will it be until the gummint gets with the program? Not bloody long, believe me!

But this is great!

Once our masters can REALLY get inside our heads, perfection cannot be far away. The folks in power will now be able to hypnotize us into complete acquiescence with every stupid plan they concoct. We will march willingly to the beat of the perfect drummers in D.C.

Hey! We do that now! Uh oh.