Unfortunately, Dear Reader, we have sunk to an unrecoverable low. Doom is not awaiting us- it has already arrived.  The barbarians are not at the gates – they are within the gates, ushered in by Dear Leader. We are being flushed down the toilet.

Who are our most ferocious and successful enemies? The Russkies and the Islamis (rhymes with salamis).

Let us first address the boys from Moscow. I have been saying for some years that we should not go to war until our enemies are marching down Main Street. Guess what – they are about to. Our idiot leaders have negotiated an agreement with loveable old Vladimir Putin to have Russian troops assist us in protecting events that are subject to terrorist threats, such as the Superbowl. It’s not even legal for U.S. troops to police civilian events here, let alone invaders from the steppes of Mother Russia. I can see them now, AK-47’s at the ready, a steely glint in their eyes, as they mow us down. But Obamababy is perfectly willing to have Russian troops strutting down our streets, though, though, because they will protect us from — the Muslims!

But it’s to late! The Muslims are already here, and recruiting the fairest flowers of our literary monde to serve their evil ends.  Soledad O’Brien has just joined Al Jazeera America. She will be batting her big eyelashes at us as she encourages our kids to become suicide bombers “I look forward to beginning a relationship with Al Jazeera America, which has  made a commitment to producing quality programming and pursuing underreported  stories,” O’Brien said. What stories would those be, I wonder? The ones explaining why all us infidels should be rent in small pieces?

We have been forced to the edge of the abyss, i.e., the toilet. There is nothing for it but to flush ourselves down.