Ah, Dear Reader, you think you have seen the worst.  You think that the heights of folly have already been scaled by our masters. Think again! To quote Al Jolson, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

We have all become accustomed to having our fannies patted by lascivious TSA personnel. (Some of us even like it, I fear.) Those of us who wish to help our fellow man by marrying in order to reproduce, or to earn a meager pittance to purchase Sterno (drink of the gutter-inhabiting multitude), are accustomed to providing blood to the public health authorities. Those of us who work in industries where there is some reason for the public to demand we be in at least partial control of our senses have become accustomed to providing urine samples to the drug-sniffing guardians of the public weal. But as we follow Greece into the valley of the shadow of insolvency, we can expect to follow them too into the shadow of  regulation of on-line businesses.

Starting a business in the swamp of Greek regulations is almost impossible. But in addition to the usual “fill out these 276 forms in triplicate, using a pink crayon,” the Greeks have added a charming new biological hurdle to jump. In addition to the gigantic pile of papers you must submit, you now must submit a stool sample!

You are tempted, no doubt, to respond to my assertion with a shocked “No shit!”  YES, SHIT! This is not an urban legend! The Greekies are actually doing this! Why, I cannot imagine. The only possible argument your Interlocutor can conceive of is a desire to keep the quality of the stuff circulating on the Web from becoming too high. “You want to disseminate stuff on the Web? Well it better be shit! In fact, we are checking up to make sure it’s shit!”

I suppose I should apologize for interjecting scatology into what has heretofore been a G-rated blog. But I won’t. Some topics demand scatological treatment. (For those of you who are interested, the term “scatological” is derived from the Greek “scat,” meaning poop. So scatology is particularly appropriate when discussing Greek poop collecting.)

But this is great!

Think of the possibilities that this approach opens up! Blood, pee, poop – what’s next? Want to go skiing? Before we will rent you ski boots, we want 17 toenail samples to check for fungus. Want to ride on the roller coaster? First throw up in this bag so we can test the effluvium to ensure that you will not spew pathogens on the folks in front of you after the 720 degree loop the loop the loop!

At the end of the day, we will find ourselves strapped to gurneys with scalpel-wielding bureaucrats hovering over us, each anxious to slice off the most informative morsel.

I just hope it doesn’t happen on a trip to the sperm bank.