The Pushtu President of the Afghans that we shoehorned into office accuses us of collaborating with the Taliban! The Mexican El Presidente demands that we ship his proto-wetbacks handbooks on how to squeeze welfare out of our taxpayers after they creep across the border! The Greeks and Cypriots march and scream that the IMF (which, face it, distributes OUR money to the incompetents of the world) should go away and not demand austerity, for example, that they should actually work more than fifteen minutes a day!

This is actually really great!

We are getting really good free advice: Yankee go home! What a neat idea! And it’s an idea that is going to catch on.

We got onto this international kick with Woodrow Wilson making the world safe for democracy (like in Tojo’s Japan, Hitler’s Germany, and Stalin’s Russia) and followed up with the post WWII reconstruction of Europe, the saving of Vietnam from the Commies, nation-building on the sand dunes of Iraq, etcetera, ad nauseum. And to top it all off, we instituted Free Trade with our friends like Mexico and China.

Now the entire international “order” is in free-fall, pinwheeling down an ever steepening slope like a gigantic snowball, picking up bodies on every rotation. When it finally hits bottom, squish!

But we still have time to avoid being squishees. We can become squishers!

Why are we buying all this junk from China? We have lots of crummy manufacturers right here at home! Put a 782% tariff on all goods and materials imported from China and see how fast our own swine will produce toys painted with lead and cyanide! See how quickly we can turn out toasters that burst into flame as soon as they are plugged in! We will have an explosion in manufacturing jobs and in jobs for physicians to treat the victims of our new industrial policy. And while we’re at it, let’s just default on all the bonds that Fu Manchu and his boys were dumb enough to buy from us! Not the bonds owned by OUR banks, or OUR folks, just the ones owned by furriners. When the international credit markets collapse. all the people we hate will starve. Good.

We also can pull our military home. Let the Germans have the Ramstein Airbase. They can lease it to Vladimir Putin, who can in turn use it to send troops and supplies to Bashar Assad.

We can pull out of Saudi Arabia, allowing the locals to continue with their quaint practice of chopping off each others’ appendages without interference, or even”tut-tut”ing. We can leave Afghanistan, allowing its denizens to resurrect their traditional form of polo, played with the heads of their defeated enemies. We can abandon Nigeria, leaving its inhabitants to their usual pastime of eating each other. We can leave the French to their diet of frogs, snails, and other garden pests.

And here at home, everything will be peachy. Our foreign policy will be greatly simplified. We ignore everybody else unless they threaten us. In that event, BLOOIE! We launch thermonuclear missiles at all and sundry, eliminating the threat. No boring peace talks. No dishonest diplomatic discussions. No American kids getting put in harm’s way so some egomaniacal politician can get his name in the history books.

That’s it! I will run for Malevolent Dictator!

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