Pre-civilization, we all lived in packs and helped each other. But as civilization advanced, we learned better, and for many years screwed each other over in a ferocious Darwinian duel which led to vastly improved living standards. Unfortunately, the last generation or two has attempted to undo this important social advance. We are now enjoined to be nice to each other. Yeah, yeah, this has always been the advice of organized religions (except for a few like the Cult of Kali, also known as Thuggees, which made a virtue of strangling complete strangers to appease Kali, the goddess of death). But nobody follows religious advice. The problem is that this injunction now emanates from the government. What is the result?

DISASTER!

Let me give you an example. King George III (also familiarly known as Dubya) decided that, because substantial middle class people owned their own homes, the government should do whatever was necessary to give nice houses to bums in order to convert them into substantial middle class people.

Do you know what happens when you put a bum in a house?

You get a bum in a house.

And pretty soon you have a deadbeat bum in a house, because if he or she had the right stuff to maintain a house and pay the mortgage, he or she wouldn’t be a bum in the first place.

So here we are with more mortgage defaults and foreclosures than even in the Great Depression, crashing banks, and an astronomical unemployment rate. How do we explain this descent into a financial maelstrom that is making the U.S. look increasingly like Argentina?

By the invidious effects of kindness!

Do-gooders invariably do bad. Do something nice for soneone, and he will invariably spit in your eye. But there is a way out, and we can have FUN while we solve the problem

We can become do-badders! Yes indeed, we can organize a new movement devoted to openly and avowedly screwing our fellow citizens. Sort of like the Mafia, only without the daylight shootouts. We will kick the downtrodden, all the while singing the mantra of those deep philosophers, The Sillouettes:

Sha Na Na Na

Sha Na Na NaNa

Sha Na Na Na

Sha Na Na Na Na

Sha Na Na Na

Sha Na Na NaNa

Sha Na Na Na

Sha Na Na Na Na

Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip

Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom

GET A JOB!

Want to join the chorus?