There is an old joke that Illinois politicians serve two terms: one in the statehouse, and one in the slammer. It’s true everywhere, but Illinois is the poster child for crooked politicans. (But I repeat myself.) (In all honesty,  I have to admit that this construction is due to Mark Twain, only he used “member of Congress” and “idiot.”)

This raises a serious financial question. In a day of collapsing state finances, why should the people of Illinois have to pay for TWO residences for their felonious leaders? I want Illinois to prosper. I once lived in Chicago, and I love the city. It sure beats the hell out of New York. Chicago is clean.  It also has a beautiful lakefront, terrific museums, great restaurants, and pleasant people. In contrast, New York is filthy, has riverfronts that provide a wonderful view of (yuch) New Jersey, and vile people who scurry about in a manner indistinguishable from the gait of a cockroach.

So how is Illinois to regain financial stability. It is said that you can’t save yourself into success, you have to spend money to make money, etcetera, ad nauseum. But you sure can save yourself from bankruptcy and life sleeping on a grate covered with old copies of the Wall Street Journal. So I have a modest suggestion for reducing Illinois state expenditures.

Sell the statehouse to a real estate developer, and send the politicians directly to jail immediately upon their election.

This would be fun, and would clearly raise the quality of governance. Illinois politicians would be able to pass far fewer useless  laws if they had to meet in the prison library, since they would be forced to maintain silence. They couldn’t meet in the prison dining hall because they would also be required to remain silent during meals, just like their fellow felons. The only forum in which they wouild be allowed to speak would be the exercise yard, and if they shot their mouths off there, the  younger and stronger of their associates would, at best, beat them senseless, and at worst, stick them with a shiv.

It would also be impossible for them to extort material amounts of graft from paving contractors. We all know that graft raises the price of road maintenance, thus increasing your taxes. You might argue, of course, that all the paving contractors are also in jail for bid-rigging conspiracies, but new paving contractors spring up to fill the vacuum constantly, financed by organized crime, so roads on which to drive Belchfire Eights at 130 miles per hour will continue to be available.

Politicians would also be in a position to learn useful trades. Not making license plates! License plates, phooey! Their new associates could teach them safecracking, how to hotwire a car, drug distribution logistics, and all the other myriad skills that make a collapsing civilization go.

I love efficiency.