As an experienced Citizen of the World, Dear Reader, you are no doubt acquainted with the German predilection for organizing and channeling human activities into the proper path. They achieve this end by training the populace to SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND OBEY ORDERS!

Sometimes this approach leads to episodes of unpleasantness, such as World War I and World War II. But now, an even more dire consequence impends. Germany’s biggest political parties have  agreed to ban so-called flat-rate sex  offered by some brothels in the  country.

It is, of course, well-known that those in the boinking industry have traditionally required “something more” for unusual services. But under the fierce pressure of competition induced by the legalization of prostitution in the Mutterland in 2002, some aggressive brothels introduced the flat rate boink, in which you can do whatever you want for as long as your want for a fixed fee of 100 euros.

It is unclear from the press coverage what the motivation for banning this pricing structure is. [N.B:. I have adopted this rather infelicitous locution, id est, ending the sentence with “is,” because this is the grammatical rule in German. During a visit to Germany, Mark Twain was attending a particularly tedious play when his companion suggested that they leave. Twain was reported to have responded “Not yet…I’m waiting for the verb.”] One possible explanation is that it is intended to support the printing industry by requiring the girls to print up price lists. It may also be designed to increase employment by requiring each cat house to employ waitresses to write up each client’s itemized bill.

It is possible that this new policy is driven by the EU’s competition laws, which (unfortunately) are modeled on the competition laws of the good ol’ US of A. The issue here is:

Bundling: (No, you ninny, not the New England kind where you sleep next to your chaste sweetie separated by a “bundling board” to protect her virtue.) This is the kind of bundling in which you require several products to be purchased together. These are a no-no in the strange world of antitrust. I must also remark that such arrangements are also called “tie-in” sales, but I would not use that term here because it could cause confusion with well-defined bondage products.

The other possibility is that this is a wages and hours issue. Given modern technology (Viagra) the amount of time that a client could demand has virtually no limit. Those hundred euros might tie the poor girl up for weeks.

The final possibility is workplace health. I see the poor tart collapsing into exhaustion screaming for mercy while the inflamed and paid-up client is shrieking “More! More! I’m still not satisfied!”

Maybe the politicians are right for once.