You have no\ndoubt noticed, Dear Reader, that cemetery plots are becoming increasingly\ncostly. Your subterranean condo will set you back many thousands of dollars.\nFurther, cemeteries themselves are becoming vastly overcrowded, and new\ncemeteries are being located ever farther from cities and towns to districts in\nwhich no one of sound mind would ever reside, and hence resemble desolate,\nwindswept prairies infested with tumbleweeds and rattlesnakes. [Many\nplot-shoppers appear to place great store on the view from the gravesite. It is\nthe considered opinion of your Interlocutor, the Happy Pessimist, that the\noccupant of the grave is indifferent to the view, and none of his or her\ndetested relatives will every visit the place after the will is probated.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The\nquestion then immediately arises: what should one do with the stiff? One\nsolution was provided to me many years ago by my six-year-old baby daughter\nupon the demise of my father. When informed that we were going to bury the old\ncoot, she shuddered in horror and exclaimed \u201cDon\u2019t do that! Keep him around for\na decoration.\u201d We didn\u2019t. The idea of locating his remains on my fireplace\nmantel (after the appropriate ministrations by a taxidermist) was unacceptable,\nand cheap burial plots were still available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But\nwhat about today? You can\u2019t just put the corpse in a landfill. In addition to\nviolating local and state sanitary codes, this process increases the amount of\nwaste clogging our environment. It is an affront to Gaia, the Earth Goddess.\nWaste threatens the polar bears, whose moral and ecological virtues are\nwell-known. Polar bears love to eat cute little baby seals (thus saving them\nfrom being clubbed to death by mean hunters); their own cubs (which controls\nthe polar bear population); and your children (which controls the human\npopulation). These are all worthy goals. But fear not! The government is here\nto help you. The Washington State Legislature has just (May 2019) passed\nSB5001, which legalizes human composting, and have sent it to the Governor for\nhis signature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\nturns out that this milestone is yet another triumph of crony capitalism. It\nwas achieved through the tireless efforts of Recompose, a firm which somehow\ngot otherwise idle members of the faculty of Washington State University and\nsix dead guys dedicated to scientific research to conduct a study proving that\nchucking the late lamented onto your backyard compost heap poses no threat to\nthe environment nor to public health. It demonstrates that \u201crecomposition uses\nabout one-eighth of the energy of cremation and also has a significant carbon\nreduction, thanks in part from the sequestration that happens to the material\nduring the process.\u201d Reduction of the carbon footprint! Hurray!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So\nhere we are. As the human composting approach heads east from the Left Coast,\nas do all really crazy ideas, funeral homes will become bankrupt, and your\nkiddies will have new opportunities to scream in horror when they see and smell\ntheir beloved grandparent rotting in the backyard. But your tomatoes will do\ngreat! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You have no doubt noticed, Dear Reader, that cemetery plots are becoming increasingly costly. Your subterranean condo will set you back many thousands of dollars. Further, cemeteries themselves are becoming vastly overcrowded, and new cemeteries are being located ever farther from cities and towns to districts in which no one of sound mind would ever […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1180","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P38V5o-j2","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1180"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1180\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1181,"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1180\/revisions\/1181"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/funwithdoom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}